"You've gotta make your own kind of music, sing your own special song. Make your own kind of music, even if nobody else sings along."
Many friends of mine recognize these lyrics from a pretty epic intro to Season 2 of Lost. While I so appreciate the insanities that were revealed to us during that particular scene, I've held this song near and dear to my heart for other reasons. To me, not worrying if anyone else sings along is a beautiful image of real vulnerability and self-acceptance, two things I'm working to embrace in 2015.
Why does it take so much effort to just be ourselves? Why do we compare and put our best selves on display when all we really want is to be accepted for who we actually are? With its filters, perfectly aligned props, and obsession over social media followers, 2014 made it so painfully easy to beautify ourselves and our messy lives through social media. And, in spite of the resolutions and commitments to "unplug," 2015 will most likely have a lot of that in it. But what if we approached this year deciding to live more exposed? More real? More like who we actually are… owning the beautiful and the muddy.
Throughout my twenty-five years, I've watched myself actively avoid outward vulnerability more and more as time passes. There's a piece of us that doesn't like appearing weaker than others perceive. We desperately pursue living up to an imaginary standard: the one that we believe others hold us to. We realize that vulnerability is a sure way to disappoint that standard. But what if this type of vulnerability is what it takes to live a life of self-acceptance? It's in this self-acceptance where we can throw off the imaginary expectations we assume the world requires of us and live the life the Lord called us to.
Sharing this site feels intimidating, overwhelming, exciting, and a bit freeing. Design has always been a great outlet and a way to recharge my creative juices. Running a company requires me to wear a lot of hats… often ones that I actually don't have incredible amounts of skill in and the multi-tasking can wear on me. When I'm designing, my ideas don't have to fit through any lenses… they can just be. I felt convicted to finally put my designs together in the form of a website, crossing my fingers that others will respond well. But also, accepting that if they don't, it has to be okay. Finally sharing this site with you is me choosing to be vulnerable. It's me choosing to walk down a path my heart desires, looking ahead with hope, anxious for self-discovery, renewed passion, creative energy, and making pretty designs. I plan to blog along the way and possibly the Lord will use my story to inspire you.
While my site and my designs may be well-edited and simple, I assure you that I am not. But I'm working on being okay with that. Cheers to 2015 and taking chances that allow vulnerability to exist.